Sadly, the lives of some American women just got shorter, thanks to smoking, obesity

By McAvoy Layne
SPECIAL TO THE BONANZA
April 30, 2008

Print Email

A recent health survey has revealed that the longevity of American women in some parts of the south and in areas of Appalachia is in decline.
Why?

Obesity and smoking.

For the first time since health records have been kept, many young American girls are not expected to live as long as their mothers.

How heartbreaking.

Where’s Bob Newhart when we need him?

In 1960 Newhart released a classic LP, “The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart,” that effectively portrayed smoking cigarettes for what it is … insanity.

On this best-selling album, Newhart simulated one end of a phone conversation between Sir Walter Raleigh, calling from the American Colonies, and the head of the West Indies Company in London:

“What you got for us this time, Walt, you got another winner for us?

Tob-acco... ah, what’s tob-acco, Walt?


It’s a kind of leaf, huh?

And you bought 80 tonnes of it?!!

Let me get this straight, Walt, you’ve bought 80 tonnes of leaves? This may come as a kind of a surprise to you Walt but come fall in England, we’re kinda up to our ...
It isn’t that kind of leaf, huh? ...

You can shred it up ...

And put it in a piece of paper.

And roll it up.

And you stick it … between your lips!

Then what do you do, Walt?

You set fire to it! ha! ha! ha!

Then what do you do, Walt? ...

You inhale the smoke, huh! ha! ha! ha!...

You know, Walt ... it seems you can stand in front of your fireplace and have the same thing going for you! Listen, Walt ... don’t call us ... we’ll call you!”

Newhart’s straightforward humor brought home the futility, if not the fatality, of smoking cigarettes, and he might have saved a few lives in the bargain.

It’s hard to believe now that cigarette ads in the ‘20s pictured smiling doctors, and one even boasted, “Switch to Old Golds and find out there isn’t a cough in a carload!” If we only knew that one of the busiest operating rooms at Renown Hospital in Reno would one day be dubbed, “Marlboro Country.”

Personally, I don’t like smoking, but do like smokers.

Smokers, I’ve come to find, are more inclined to talk to strangers than nonsmokers, and they tend to have more colorful stories than nonsmokers.

For that matter, I don’t like poetry, but I do like poets, probably for the same reason.
Well, that’s enough for one day about the hazards of smoking.

But I do want to extend my condolences to the young ladies in the south and parts of Appalachia who will not live as long as their mothers.

I see there’s not room here to shovel in the hazards of eating disorders, but please do remind me to take up that banner at a later date.

I shall try to remember to start off by telling you about the Nevada lady who pigged-out on five gallons of Hagen Das and froze to death …

McAvoy Layne is an Incline Village resident who visits area schools as the ghost of Mark Twain.